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  • Jean Louise Winter

What's your "But"?

Hey you guys, I can't believe it's only Tuesday! This day feels like an entire week for me because so much has happened already. I'm very happy about that, especially since every day seems to blur with the next one since last year.

After being sick for more than a week, my energy levels are finally back to normal, making me really productive today. My workday went by rather smoothly, and even though I spent most of the time catching up with emails I got during my vacation, I made the best of it by listening to a crime podcast and catching up with friends during my breaks.

I also took the time to repot my plants and to shoot a video of my mini jungle, which I'll share with you very soon. (I used a GoPro, and I'm an absolute newbie with that. No idea how it'll turn out, so please don't expect too much.) And then this evening I went for a long walk. By the way, does anyone have walking-alone-anxiety, or am I the only weirdo who experiences this? I always feel like it must seem odd to others that I'm just walking around in a park, not jogging, nor with a dog, nor with a friend/ family member/ baby. I recently even thought about getting a dog just so that I could walk it, and I don't even like dogs. Unpopular opinion, I know. (And just for the record, of course I wouldn't get a pet without thinking about the responsibility that comes with it.)

Do you remember this episode of How I Met Your Mother, The "But", where Ted asked, "What's his but?" about a guy Lily wants to set up with Robin, referring to the huge flaw that people like to leave out when describing a possible match for someone.

I had a very interesting conversation yesterday, talking about exactly this topic. And I was wondering what my "But" is. As probably most people, I can come up with a ton of flaws in a second. But one flaw that's so significant that it would stop someone from dating me is a little tougher to single out. I finally decided that jealousy was probably the one flaw that would hurt a possible relationship the most. By the way, if you were looking forward to hearing more about the kinky stuff I mentioned in my previous post, sorry to disappoint, but there won't be anything to talk about since it's not happening. Guess why - because I'm jealous AF.

During my walk, I thought more about my hugest flaw, and so I asked a friend for her opinion. Honestly, she seemed to waited for that opportunity because without hesitation, she pointed out multiple things, adding tons of unsolicited advice on top. I guess she really needed to get this off her chest. Not even my mother is that disappointed in me. The funny thing was, that she used the exact same structure as in HIMYM. Pointing out the positive aspects of my personality just to annihilate them with the "But".

The conclusions I have drawn for myself from this are that firstly, if you want to offer constructive advice to people you care about and who you want to continue to see in the future, never use a "But" in your sentence. Ever.

Everything you said before, no matter how nice and flattering, will immediately be forgotten once you pronounce that calamitous word.

And secondly, I'm still pretty happy with myself. I feel even a little proud of that criticism not affecting me as much as it probably would have in the past. Besides, I'm sure that under a different perspective, any flaw can be considered charming or endearing. We just need our own John Legend to see that.

Yeah, I love cheesy happy endings.

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