Sometimes, it's just a really good day.
And today has been one, riding on the wave from yesterday - another great day, in a different way.
If you'e following my Instagram, you might have noticed that I took a break yesterday. Because of IG's censorship algorithm, paired with the...suggestive (to say the least) nature of my content - I was put on a 24 hour timeout that forced me to take a step back for the day.
At first I was frustrated, of course! After the deletion of my first account, I've been eager to get the ball going with this one and as it's just starting to build some traction, so a 24 hour pause it felt like having my hands tied while roasting above a fire pit. Looking back, the intensity of that point of view was a clear enough warning sign that I needed a day off.
So, after an embarrassing amount of mumbling and grumbling, I accepted a friend's invitation to lunch, thinking that I'd come straight home after and continue to work. Instead I ended up getting lost in the social element that I/we have been so deprived of for the past year, and before I knew it, I was having fun?! An incredibly welcome surprise!
The day continued to shapeshift, with lunch turning to drinks, turning to a shopping excursion, turning to a chess tournament and arts and crafts evening back at my apartment. I remember a moment where I was looking around at my friends, each of us with a separate piece of paper before us, painting and sharing poetry. I remember thinking in that moment, "this is what my 20s are supposed to be." I felt so grateful, and overwhelmed too - overwhelmed with the beauty of my life and the people who share it with me, with the experiences we create, with the natural magic of existence.
I have a part time job, and today I worked all day - ethical erotica does not pay the bills..yet ;)
I chased kids around, prepared meals for greedy little mouths waiting to fed. I made up a Pokémon and used her to defeat my 8 year old opponent in battle. I played hide and seek, and hid under a 5 years old bed sheets, and then again in her mother's shoe closet. I drank 3 coffees and ate a bowl of peas that the kids refused to touch. It was a completely different experience compared to the lazy love of yesterday, but it was still incredibly perfect -- in its own way.
I'm rambling at this point, but the idea I've taken away from these two days is this : sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to have everything figured out by now, like time is running out and I need to push myself to the brink to make something of myself - whatever that means. And what I felt today and yesterday was the overwhelming antithesis to that - it was the comfort in knowing that the messiness and mishaps of my life, the juggling, the setbacks, the unexpected plans - all of them come together to make life worth living. If it was all work, or all play, it'd be boring.
And one thing about me? I hate to be bored ;)
Love love love,